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i hate the taste of weed

Is your marijuana bad? 5 ways to tell if you’re smoking terrible weed

While many Americans can now buy and grow marijuana legally — choosing from an endlessly varied selection of premium bud — some still have to take it wherever they can find it. Even U.S. government researchers are forced to work with terrible weed.

You don’t want to get ripped off and smoke an inferior product, of course. So how can you tell if your flower isn’t up to snuff (or puff)? Believe it or not, you don’t need a doctorate in botany or chromatography instruments to tell whether your stash is shit. Read on, dear stoner, and learn some simple warning signs.В

1. It’s full of stems and seeds В В

A good rule of thumb in buying weed is that you want weed you can actually, uh, smoke. The stems of cannabis plants — though they may count toward the weight of your gram or eighth — are pretty much useless in that regard, so the less there are, the better. Seeds are even worse; they’ll literally explode when set on fire, potentially blowing out an entire bowl or ruining your joint. Even sellers of low-grade ganja usually won’t sell you stuff with seeds in it, but if you’re continually finding a few in each bag, it’s time to find a new source.

2. Its color, scent, texture and flavor seem off

In this sense, marijuanaВ is like any produce you might buy at the grocery store: You can just tellВ when it’s healthy and ripe for consumption. Good weed has more vibrant color, like a thriving plant. It has a heady, pungent aroma and taste. It’s somewhat springy, dense and coated with sticky, frosty, crystalline trichomes — tiny glands packed with THC, the psychoactive cannabinoid that gets you high. Bad weed, by comparison, looks like some junk you yanked out from underneath your lawnmower. It’s paler or duller in color, sometimes brown or yellowish. It’s often dry or more crumbly, and it lacks a distinctive smell (although sometimesВ it smells like hay orВ grass). It’s also sure to taste terrible. In certain cases, this kind of marijuanaВ may have been “blasted,” or entirely stripped of its cannabinoids to make butane hash oil. Either way, avoid it. В В

3. It doesn’t get you high — or makes you feel ill

Arguably the worst thing about bad pot is that it’s not very potent — which means you have to smoke a ton of it to feel anything like the high you’re after. In that case, you’re liable to get a headache before you’re even halfway stoned. Some users have encountered weed so crummy that it doesn’t seem to work at all. If you wind up with bud that only produces noxious smoke and induces a general nausea or cranial pain, what’s the point? Ditch that garbage and find out where the dank nugs are at — because you deserve better. В В В

4. It’s moldy, rotting or poorly cultivated

As with the food in your pantry or refrigerator, you’ve got to keep an eye out for mold and rot. These can afflict even decent marijuana, and they look like the mold and rot you’re used to finding on bread or cheese — furry discolorations on the surface. Packing this crap in your bong can make you seriously sick,В don’t risk it. Another visual red flag would be larger marijuanaВ leaves attached to your nugs, which indicates a sloppy “trim” when the buds were separated from the plant. Cannabis that gets trimmed by machines (as opposed to carefully trimmed by hand) may have diminished potency, as the trichomes are disturbed, and the leaves themselves don’t offer muchВ of the cannabinoid compounds that people prize in marijuana. В В В

5. It’s not actually marijuana

Almost every stoner of experience you’ll meet has a story about the time they bought weed that turned out to be anything but. It could be anything from crushed oregano to sage to basil to a wad of old, dried-out lettuce balled up in some cling wrap. Catnip is another popular pot substitute. If it doesn’t look like marijuanaВ buds, well, it’s probably not, so keep your wits about you. The best way to avoid this scam is to get your weed from someone you trust — and never, ever that friend who runs a YouTube prank channel. If he really insists it’s the good stuff, then he should have no trouble taking the first hit, right? В В В В

While many Americans can now buy and grow marijuana legally — choosing from an endlessly varied selection of premium bud — some still have to take it wherever they can find it. Even U.S. government researchers are forced to work with terrible…

How to Disguise the Taste of Weed in Edibles

You may be of the school of stoners that likes an edible treat now and again, or you may be a medical user in search of the tastiest options. You may also be a host or party-goer who wants people to fully enjoy themselves with various intoxicating offerings, and wishes to make a potent potluck dish that doesn’t taste like mulch.

It’s Evil Week at Lifehacker, which means we’re looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done. We like to think we’re shedding light on these tactics as a way to help you do the opposite, but if you are, in fact, evil, you might find this week unironically helpful. That’s up to you.

You should never give people any sort of illicit substance without their knowledge or consent, but you should make your well-labeled foods taste as good as—or better than—food that doesn’t get you high. (Failure to warn people of potentially hyperdimensional space capacity in your food can result in their going plaid , or you know, losing their job or making an unexpected hospital visit.)

How to Make the Best Possible Pot Brownies

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Aside from the potential for getting way, way, way too high from ingesting too much THC, the taste of cooked weed itself is not so appetizing. Depending on the strain, there are potent, oily resins that can make things taste like you’re chewing on a fat branch. I find West Coast edibles to also be too-potent-tasting about 80% of the time, and it’s because deep, earthy, pine-y hemp is a tricky flavor to work with and, being that many use it as medicine, taste is often an afterthought to strength.

But if your aim is to make tasty treats that go down just a little too easily, here are some things you can do to minimize the taste of actual cannabis in homemade edibles:

Cut the fat

If you want the ability to make edibles on a whim, make your butter or oil extra strong, in advance, and freeze it for future projects. A double or triple dose of THC in the same amount of fat will take up less space in the freezer and also require less up-front oil. This concentrated extraction will not taste that good used in large quantities, but when mixed with fresh, uninfused oil, it’s much less brutal. Fats lose a lot of their unique tasting notes when infused with heat and herb and, adding in virgin stuff right before cooking nails those unique flavors that complete a recipe, like flowery butter, nutty sesame, or peppery olive oil.

Make a Tasty Weed-Infused Honey With Only Three Ingredients

A drizzle of honey in a cup of tea can sweeten up your favorite soothing beverage, but a drizzle of

A good example would be chocolate chip cookies. If you can’t taste creamy, warm, sweet butter, they lose some of that magic. Using a ratio of ⅔ fresh butter to ⅓ infused butter in any baked application is a great way to make sure that your cookies don’t taste like Willie Nelson’s bong water. This works for coconut oil too, which makes wonderful baked goods and goes well with the aroma of cannabis.

Use Concentrate

Concentrates are a virtually foolproof method for adding THC to food if you are judicious with the potency. Different types of concentrates provide varying strengths and effects, and a much less dramatic scent when compared to raw cannabis. Though all concentrates can still potently flavor a dish due to the high terpene content, the most foolproof way to limit their taste is to limit how much you use. One gram of concentrate can clock in at 750 milligrams of pure THC, so for a tray of brownies, use no more than one third, and you shouldn’t taste much.

Think Savory

Oil and fat-loaded savories like aioli, cheesy dips, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese are all places where the slight flavor of cannabis is actually delicious, not disturbing. Experiment with sugarless things that pair well with other herbs like rosemary and thyme and you will soon see weed’s earthy flavor in a new light. Buttery things like pie crust and hollandaise sauce also make really luxe cannabis food, and they don’t change the original recipe much or at all.

Caramel Is Your Friend

Even the weed Kool Aid Man couldn’t bust through the Maillard-driven flavors of caramel candy. Hard and soft caramels with decarboxylated concentrate stirred in are pretty common ways to get your dose, but if you don’t have candy making skills, caramel sauce made with cannabutter is another excellent route. The creaminess flows around the peppery weed and, if you make rosemary caramels, you can hardly taste cannabis in that flavor pool.

Chocolate is Your Best Friend

Chocolate is the end all be all of weed cover up. You won’t notice much even with super potent treats, and it’s a great option for making either compact and strong bites or a big batch of something more mellow. Chocolate’s bitterness and complexity allows you to surround the less-tasty qualities of cannabis with chocolate totality, even if there’s a bit of plant matter in there.

The best chocolate truffles I’ve ever made are vegan and full of super fine bud particulate, which normally tastes terrible. To roll up these simple treats, warm 1 cup of coconut milk with some cracked cardamom, and stir that into 1 pound of finely chopped dark chocolate until melted. Fold in some extra finely ground, once-pressed herb you’ve used to make other infusions. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours, then form into a ball shape, toss in some cocoa powder, and wrap with wax paper.

How to Sous Vide Your Own Medical Marijuana Edibles

If there is one thing an immersion circulator is good for, it is infusions. The precise temperature

Deploy any of these techniques or ingredients for a bit more of a gourmet experience and less of a hold-your-nose-and-wolf-it-down-scene. Once you learn what you personally like and don’t like about the taste of cannabis, you can begin to insert it into dishes that you actually enjoy, instead of knocking back treats like shots of crappy whiskey.

New York’s Highest. Sicilian AF. Artist, writer, wicked witch. @realdanhell on Instagram

You may be of the school of stoners that likes an edible treat now and again, or you may be a medical user in search of the tastiest options. You may also be a host or party-goer who wants people to fully enjoy themselves with various intoxicating offerings, and wishes to make a potent potluck dish that doesn’t taste like mulch.