Categories
BLOG

cannabis funny

Funniest Cannabis Stories & Questions Sensi Seeds Has Ever Heard

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who think with logic, and those who float nonsensically through. In this article, we’re more interested in the second kind. A collaboration of stories and questions about cannabis that most people would never have dared to speak.

Let’s face it. All of us have got a silly part of us. Yes, silly. That part inside that leads us down the garden path, resulting in nonsensical statements or questions that make plenty of people’s hair stand on end and eyes roll. A few gems such as “Have we got two livers or two kidneys”? Where’s our brain’s grey matter? Which came first, the First or Second World War? Do cows drink milk?” Isn’t it fascinating?

These are questions I’ve really heard; I swear I’m not making them up. Browsing online, I read a few howlers such as “Is it true drinking petrol is good for your heart?” I have coeliac disease, where can I get gluten-free cocaine? In which zoo can I see a velociraptor? Can I teach cats to speak? Did the Beatles copy Justin Bieber’s hairstyle?” And we could go on all day…or days, even! Months, weeks, years!

Such are the desperate questions of novice growers

The fact is that, what I’m telling you IS REAL, as real as life itself; and thus things won’t be any different with cannabis. Today, we will go through some of the experiences of people from the Sensi Seeds team as well as those outside it, who’ve had to deal with surreal questions. I hope that, besides having a chuckle, you’ll learn what you should and should NOT ask when talking to a cannabis enthusiast. Here‘s a choice selection.

Can I smoke cannabis outdoors from seeds I planted indoors?

This is, without doubt, one of my favourites. Let’s take it one step at a time, shall we? While all types of cannabis can be grown indoors, indoor varieties of cannabis are especially recommended for growing indoors. That’s how it works. In fact, growing it indoors means you’re sure to have a stable environment with no surprises, since you’re not reliant on external weather and climate conditions.

Growing it is one thing…but where do you smoke it? For those who are confused about the matter — cannabis, whether grown indoors or outdoors, from Beijing or Mars, can be smoked wherever you feel like smoking it! Of course cannabis from seeds you planted indoors can be smoked outdoors and, once again (provided it’s legal) you can smoke it WHEREVER YOU WANT.

Can I grow cannabis in a shoe box and using a torch?

Whoever asked this question, I’d like to ask them: where the hell are you?? Where do you live? Did someone kidnap you? If not, I can’t fathom it…You could be part of an Antarctic expedition that got lost and all you’ve got is a handful of cannabis seeds in your pocket. Otherwise, you could be running away from the Lanisters, in which case you have my every respect and I see why you’d want to grow cannabis this way.

BUT, if you don’t find yourself in any of the above situations… why do you want to grow your seeds in a shoe box under torchlight? Is this some sort of a ritual? Friends, there are many paths to growing: indoors, outdoors, in greenhouses, guerrilla growing…We even have the option of micro-growing! Don’t make things difficult for yourself…

Can I eat or smoke the seeds themselves to get a high?

You can indeed eat or smoke the seeds themselves. What you won’t get is a high. At the most, you’ll hallucinate a bit from stomach-ache, and nothing more. Deep down, I find this question endearing since it brings back those wonderful years when we used to make joints out of oregano, basil, thyme, parsley and banana peel, endlessly laughing at the thought we were really “getting a high”.

Do you sell seeds to grow hash?

Dear friends, if there were seeds for growing hash straight out of the ground the world will not be how we know it. Trust me.

Can I boil my seeds?

This question has been asked repeatedly, since novice growers think this is a quick method for getting seeds to sprout or “break out”, which is what happens when they germinate. I’m sorry to inform you that the only thing you’ll get when boiling seeds is dirty water or a weird kind of soup. The seeds will not sprout. All that will happen is they’ll become softer…And once again, remember: only mussels open when you boil them.

Looking for a good giggle? Check out these funny, cannabis-related questions and stories that have crossed Sensi Seeds’ path.

Appendix:Cannabis slang

A user suggests that this English appendix be cleaned up.
Please see the discussion on Requests for cleanup (+) or the talk page for more information and remove this template after the problem has been dealt with.

Slang terms related to cannabis. The meaning of each of these terms may vary by region and context.

Contents

  • 1 Cannabis
  • 2 Cannabis user
  • 3 Cannabis cigarette/cigar
  • 4 To roll a cannabis cigarette
  • 5 To smoke Cannabis
  • 6 Cannabis intoxication
  • 7 Effects of cannabis
  • 8 Cannabis paraphernalia
  • 9 Cannabis strains
  • 10 Cannabis potency
  • 11 Miscellaneous cannabis-related slang
  • African broccoli
  • Antiguan Rocket
  • AK47
  • Alligator Cigarettes
  • Amsterdam’s finest
  • Arathi (high quality)
  • Assbandit
  • Amnesia
  • Ammy
  • Barney
  • BC
  • Bible worksheets
  • Binbag
  • Bis
  • Bishop
  • Blifter
  • Bloop
  • Blunt
  • Bob
  • Bob Hope (footnote in w:Infinite Jest, by author David Foster Wallace)
  • Bobatti
  • Bobby Brown (common usage in US)
  • Boner Soup
  • Bongo (common usage in Cairo, Egypt)
  • Booboo sh*t (low quality) (common usage in the African American vernacular)
  • Boogity brown (low quality)
  • Boone
  • Bread
  • Brown Buddha
  • Brown frown (low quality)
  • Bubble kush
  • Bud (common usage in US)
  • Budski
  • Burger King (with a fork being the smoking tool of choice)
  • cabbage
  • Caracas (what Latinos call low-grade marijuana)
  • Carribean cabbage
  • CBD
  • CDs
  • cess
  • cheatham (awful-quality weed), (South African English)
  • checkers (low quality)
  • cheeba
  • cheech and chong
  • cheg (very small amount of resin)
  • chess (high quality)
  • Cherry (lit end of a Cigarette, Bong, Joint, Cigar)
  • Chiquitty-Freddy
  • chicken
  • chocolate
  • chronic (high quality)
  • Chronicles of Narnia
  • c-jizz
  • comic books
  • combustible herbargy
  • course notes
  • crunch
  • Crop (often shortened to cro) (UK Slang)
  • curley wurley
  • dagga (from Afrikaans via South Africa)
  • Dat sticky icky icky, Poo We (Snoop Dogg)
  • Devil’s Lettuce
  • dak
  • Daniel Nuggetstone
  • dank
  • Dan K. Buddinhash
  • dankinstein
  • Dave
  • Detroit
  • diesel (low quality resin)
  • dime (a 10 dollar sack)
  • dirt weed (very low-quality marijuana that tastes extremely bad)
  • discarded bibles
  • dodo
  • doja
  • doobage
  • doobie
  • dope
  • draw
  • dro (derived from hydroponics)
  • D’s
  • dub sack or twamp (20 dollars)
  • dumm
  • dunce
  • DVD’s
  • eighth (standard-quantity used for trading — 1/8 imperial ounce)
  • Edwardian Morris Baskerville
  • electric puha (from puha, a plant in New Zealand)
  • fire
  • fossils
  • freakus
  • friendship
  • frodis (from The Monkees)
  • funk, (Australian English, Jamaican English)
  • Funky falafel
  • gangster gumbo (a mix of several people’s cannabis)
  • ganja or ganj (abbreviated) (from Hindi)
  • gas
  • George
  • goo
  • good advice (high-quality smoke)
  • good shit
  • goofy boots
  • grade — good-quality bud
  • Grandpa’s medicine
  • grapes (purple weed)
  • grass
  • green tea
  • green
  • Green crack
  • greenest of the goop (high quality)
  • greenest of the green
  • grefa
  • g-regs or gregs (general or generic regulars)
  • Guitar Hero
  • w:Guy Smiley
  • gwaai (pron. ga-why) (South African slang)
  • harris
  • haskell
  • hash (hashish, Arabic for grass)
  • hay
  • headies
  • hemp
  • herb
  • herbsteins
  • heyman
  • holden
  • honey boo boo
  • Hungarian Hummus
  • hydro
  • ice cream
  • indo or endo
  • insangu
  • instaga
  • IZM
  • Jazz Cabbage
  • Jazz Cigarette
  • Jay Tokenstein
  • Jobb The Finest there is
  • Jobb (God like)
  • Joint
  • Jean
  • Jibber
  • Jimmy
  • Jupiter’s beard
  • Kevin Bacon (euphemism for kine bud)
  • kibs or kibbies (short for kine bud)
  • killara
  • killer herb, or killa (very common in Texas)
  • kind (short for kine bud),
  • kine bud (though commonly misinterpreted as “Kind” Bud, kine is the Hawaiian word for “excellent”)
  • krinze
  • Kush, (named for the “Kush” region of Afghanistan.)
  • kushempeng
  • La
  • lamb’s bread
  • leaf/leaves
  • lef
  • lemon G
  • lit
  • little beasts (nuggets)
  • loud (high-grade)
  • lowes
  • lula
  • lye (commonly used in the 1990s in the United States, prominently in a few rap songs (e.g. w:Life’s a Bitch (song))
  • magic cancer
  • magic
  • marijuana (originally subcultural)
  • Mary Jane
  • mbanje (Zimbabwe language Shona, Mannie Fresh or mannie)
  • Mecca (low-grade)
  • Mexican kilobrick (low-grade, highly-compressed import)
  • Mezz (from Mezz Mezzrow, prominent jazz era dealer)
  • Microwave popcorn
  • mids (middle quality)
  • moss
  • “Mostly [Maui Waui] man, but it’s got some Labrador in it” [Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke 1978]
  • mota/muta
  • movies
  • muggles
  • nay nay famous
  • newguys
  • nick or nickel (a 5-dollar sack)
  • nodge (small amount of hashish)
  • nug or nugget or nugs
  • Old Toby
  • outdo
  • O-Z
  • pakalolo (from Hawaii)
  • Party Parsley
  • Pineapple Express
  • Plingots (or “The Old Plingots”)
  • Poop
  • Portuguese plant
  • Pot
  • Pack (ie, “loud pack”)
  • ramín
  • reefbuds
  • Reggae cigarette
  • Reggie Miller (regs, low grade)
  • reefer/reefa
  • regs (regular strength)
  • rodeo
  • Sampson
  • sappad (low quality)
  • schwag
  • Schweed
  • schwanal
  • schwugs (middle-quality – portmanteau of schwag and nugs)
  • scooby-doo (common usage on UEA campus, England)
  • scratchy
  • sha-bang-a-bang-a
  • shake (leaf and seeds at bottom of bag)
  • Shakira
  • shuzzit
  • sinsemilla or sinse
  • Shamya (bad weed)
  • Silly Spinach
  • skunk
  • smeed (northwest Ohio),
  • smookey smoke
  • snickle-fritz (low-quality bud)
  • soap bar (low-quality hash)
  • solid (resin)
  • spank
  • spliff
  • squirter-farter
  • sticks
  • sticky-icky-icky
  • stank
  • stuff,
  • sweet G
  • tacos (CHI)
  • tapes
  • taima (Japanese origin)
  • tea
  • THC
  • thrax
  • tiger fear
  • toke
  • tooka
  • tree, forb
  • trees
  • trizer
  • tweed
  • wacky tobaccy/baccy
  • weed
  • wheat
  • widdle (common in Bergen County, New Jersey)
  • wizard (specifically high-grade cannabis, common usage in Pittsburgh, PA, USA)

Yarndi (an Australian aboriginal term for weed) X

  • zig-zag
  • Zoot (invented in Norwich in 1600)

Terms also from the 1930s period include:

  • Bingger (bong, water pipe)
  • Bone (marijuana cigarette)
  • Buge (water pipe, bong)
  • Billy (bong)
  • Bilge (bong)
  • Bunk (bad marijuana)
  • CD’s
  • Cheese
  • Chillum
  • Cousin Mary
  • Delta-9
  • Dutchie
  • Elbow (pound)
  • Flowers
  • Gage
  • Green Badger (high quality)
  • Grizz (gram)
  • Herbal jazz cigarette
  • J
  • Jive
  • Joint (MJ cigarette)
  • Juicy Fruit (a strain that smells like gum)
  • Key (kilo of marijuana)
  • Kif
  • Kutch
  • Mary
  • Mex
  • Mezz
  • MJ
  • Morning meds
  • Mother Mary
  • Muggles
  • Onion (ounce)
  • Pizza (exclusively North America)
  • QP (quarter pound)
  • Roach (end of used MJ cigarette)
  • Shake
  • Sister Mary
  • Skunk (marijuana smelling like a skunk)
  • Spinach
  • Spliff (a marijuana cigarette)
  • Stash
  • Submarine
  • Sweet leaf
  • Twist (a marijuana cigarette)
  • Viper
  • White rhino (high quality marijuana – usually mixed with cocaine)

In the UK, cannabis is often referred to by quantity:

  • 1/16 (ounce): ‘teenth’ (sixteenth), Louis (the 16th)
  • 1/8: eighth, eighter, single, Henry(the VIII), cut, slice, Garden Gate
  • 1/4: quarter (ounce), quad, ‘Q’, bottle (of water), farmer’s daughter, mike vick
  • 1/2: half (ounce), ‘halfie’, ‘half-O’, ‘halfer’
  • 1: ounce, oz, onion Ozzy (Osbourne), ‘O’, Oscar, zone, zip, Fosters
  • 4 o’s: QP, quap, Cutie Pie
  • 9: bar (approx. 250g)
  • 36: key, kilo (approx. 1 kg)
  • 10^9: beenth (fictional term for a billion ounces)
  • £5s worth – ‘Dives’
  • £10s worth – ‘ten bag’,’tens’, ‘benners’, ‘ten bit’, ’10s poof’, ‘a draw’
  • tuppence worth

Realistically though, unless you’re safe with your dealer or you know the geezer who grows it, you’re gonna get mugged off. Probably end up paying £10 and getting a 0.8/0.7.

In the US, cannabis is often referred to by price:

  • Nickel bag, blunt (also referred to as a “nick”) — $5 worth
  • Dime bag (also referred to as a “dime”) — $10 worth
  • Dub – twenty bag, $20 worth
  • 30 sack – $30 worth
  • 50 piece (also referred to as an eighth or fatty eight) — You get 3 of that particular dealer’s twenty bags (“dubs”) for $50, $10 in savings. Sometimes just comes in one bag/plastic jar.
  • 25, or a quarter — It is $100 worth and works with the savings system by giving you $20 amount free with it.
  • Lid- $200 worth, It is usually the largest amount bought at a time. It is referred to as a lid because the height of the amount of marijuana in the bag is equal to the width of the lid of a bucket.

In the Northeastern U.S. it is common to speak of cannabis in terms of clothing store merchandise or food (e.g., a slice is 1/8 oz. (3.5 g))

  • Sock—1 gram
  • Shirt—1/8 ounce (3.5 g)
  • Pants—1/4 ounce (7 g)
  • Jacket—1 ounce (28 g) Buyer: “How much do you think a pair of pants would cost?” Dealer: “A pair of pants would cost $X.00.”

In Canada, similar terms to those in the UK are used, but grams are used in small quantities, and fractional ounces are actually weighed out in grams. For example, an “o” or ounce in most of Canada will be weighed as exactly 28 grams on a scale, which is an approximation. Common purchase units are the “half”, “quarter” and “eighth”, or “half quarter”, weighed out as 14, 7, and 3.5 grams respectively. Grams are used for lower quantities, and may be referred to as “grrs”.

In Australia, cannabis is usually sold in $25 bags (referred to as a “stick” or “wick” or a “twent”), $50 bags (referred to as a “fifty”), quarter “quart”, half ounces “half”, ounces and pounds, 1/8 can also be called a half-quarter. Dealers also occasionally deal $30 bags, common in Western Australia. On the sunshine coast most people sell in $10 bags or ‘tenners’ or $50 bags.

In India, cannabis (and especially hashish) is usually sold in tolas, one tola being 10 grams. Interestingly, a tola is also the standard unit of weight used by jewelers and dealers often use jewelers scales to measure their product

Cannabis slang

  • astro traveler
  • blazer
  • head
  • herbalista
  • porreta (Spain), pothead
  • stoner
  • toker
  • masher
  • burner
  • burnout
  • jigga-man
  • smot poker
  • ent
  • patties
  • baker
  • space cowboy
  • space cadet
  • space case
  • beatnik (sometimes used derogatorily)
  • mota boy
  • Rasta
  • tree hugger
  • nannies with glaucoma
  • hippies
  • trizer head
  • junkie
  • brody gusar
  • cheecher
  • puffers
  • bonglords
  • doobians
  • stucking foners (Spoonerism of fucking stoners)
  • smelly kid
  • dope head
  • doper
  • weekend warrior
  • droseph jones
  • janome
  • regis
  • crackes
  • maroe
  • grasshopper
  • puff daddy
  • tree tripper
  • rocket man

bat, banana hammock,beedie, biff, biftah, bifidus, blunt (cigar emptied of tobacco and filled with marijuana), breezie, bleezie, Camberwell carrot (a very large spliff, the name comes from the film Withnail and I), (fat) chuffa, coner (tappered so that the joint resembles a cone), doobie, cannon or sometimes hand-cannon (After the miracle miss scene in Pulp Fiction) or fatty (large), shniz, fattie-bo-blattie, J, joint, jig, jibber, jazzbine, shizzle, dizzle, L.J. Simpson, Kingsize Marley (enormous), spliff, gotti or godfather (cigar emptied of tobacco and filled without cutting), rizle (made from rizla paper popular in the Middle East and South Asia), zoot, roach, illa finger, pinner (small), hog leg (girthy joint), rocket, hooter (hoot), dutchie, danish, vega, secret agent (normal cigarette emptied of tobacco and filled with pot), swish, a bat (refers to a blunt), backwood, wood, Gilb or Gilb bowl (small joint or pipe), jeezy, reefer shit, sploob of wifflig, doobie snack, L (a $10 blunt), swisher/swisha, Dutch Master, phillie, yellow submarine (from the Beatles), a cone (where the joint isn’t rolled to look like a cigarette but to be cone-shaped to hold more marijuana), Zeppelin (the elusive “100” hitter), bar up a blunt, dog leg (large misshapen fatty).

ball up (toronto), deck up, chin up, bin up, bill up, scroll up, construct, get busy, do something constructive, put one together, strap one, build it, build up (All UK nomenclature), roll a joint, roll a J, twist one up, get one on, rack up, skill up, skin up, flip, roll it up, do the decent thing, roll a doobie, spin up the FTL, wrap one up, do work, doing the work, doing one’s work, wrapping the rascal (Italian), rolling passage, rolling thunder, rapping ’bout wrapping, wrapping green, little Pud, twist then shout, the thin white prince, toke’n on my love, the pressurized pleasurized, space module, put the skinny on, to skin one, the skin game, little tighttie, s’not funny

4:20, bake, bite the blues dog, blaze, blizz, blow trees, (smoke a) bowl, box out, bubble, bun, burn, burn a Green Disk (computer slang), burn some rope, cane (or kane), cannabize, chief, chillin’ on the moon, chong, choke, choof, clambaking (smoking grass in your car), close yourselves in a bathroom, conversational bread throwing, cutting the grass, dance with Mary Jane, do the deed, doade, droppin’ Ds, dutchy (to smoke in a confined, eatin’ southern cookin’, fire up a rocket, fish bowl, fixin’ to burn, fly Mexican Airlines, fly to the moon, flyin, (get some) fresh air, fry, fuck a bitch, get blasted, get caned, get chinese-eyed (Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke), get elevated, get happy, get lit, get toasted, getting toasty-toast, get rekt, (to play) golf, go bowling, go for a “special” walk, go on a walk with Droseph Jones, go on an “L ride” (drive while smoking a joint or blunt), go to the fun house, going out to the back forty, going to mars, grab a memory masher, grass ski, grazing In the Grass, (to have a) green day, have a celebration, have an attitude adjustment, Hawaii hot box, hittin’ it, hotbox, ignite, Jamaican bake (to smoke in a hot shower), joint sub-committee meeting (from the movie Dazed and Confused), jumping through hoops, killing a skunk, light a fire, light up, listening to your iPod, looking for water on Mars, pack the pipe, pet the green gerbil, play tennis (when you and a friend are passing a joint or pipe back and forth — inspired by the late Mac Dre), playing a C major, poke smot, puff, raise one, reaching for the stars, read a good book, reasoning session, recharge, rippin, roast, rollin’ and tumblin’, rub the hot muffin on the west side, running in an endless field, safety inspection, safety meeting, schmape, scratchify, sesh (from session), shakin’ hands with God, sizzle a blizzle, smeez a beez, smhack-a-shmowl, Shmerk-a-Berl, smoke weed, smokin the panda, smoo rocket, spark, spunk it, steam, strummin the rusty banjo, study economics, study philosophy, take the Marrakesh Express, talk politics, talk to Larry, talk to Sampson, talking da trash, talking to Lando (Character in Star Wars; implying to get sky high), tax, throw bread, to hit a cut (to smoke while driving), to put one in the air, (to go) to the Bat Cave, toke (up), tootin, toss a slice, tour, try on some Michael Jordans, wake and bake (smoking in the morning after waking up), walk the green dog, watching the ducks (smoking, usually a blunt and outside)

abolished, annihilated, bained, baked, bakaked, battered, beat, Being Delta (as in high as an airplane) binned, blasted, blazed, blitted, blitzed, blowd, blunted, bonged, blousted, blown, booted, bouldered, buzzed, burnt, canned, charred, cheeched, cheesecake-factoried, Chernobyled, chiefed, chink-eyed, chronicalized, crispy, damaged, disaster mode, done, deepfried, elimibaked, faded, fishbowled, fizzed, fizzled, fried, frying-panned, fucked (up), ganked, geeked (out), gone, goofed, gooned, greened, grilled, grizzly-eyed, hammered, hazed, high, homogenized,hmonged, hung up, incredibaked, irie, jazzed, Jesused, jimmy chonged, kained, keyed, kettled,k killed, Kinda grabs ya’ by the boo-boo, don’t it? [Up in Smoke (1978)] lean, lit, lifted, licked, likd,liv’d, loomed, loomed out of one’s skull, lighting the largest doobie with bobby M, on the loom city bus, mashed, medicated, merked, monstertrucked, mullered, munged, nailed, obliterated, owned, peaced (out), pimp-eyed, rinsed (out), ripped, screechin,shredded-wheat, smashed, spaced (out), spliffed, sombreroed, stoned (to the bone), slowcooked, shotty, tanked, taxed, thrown, toasted, torn up, tossed (out), tripped, trippin balls (more intoxicated than usual), trippin (out), totaled, twisted, vagina-eyed, wasted, west, wrecked, wapped, warped, zoned (out), zonked, zapped, zooed, zipped, bunnin (means to hit yachts with a group of people), quaked, shitfaced, stucking foned, ropey, dunski, wearing the arm-hat (placing one’s forearm on one’s head while intoxicated), go to the place where the NSK hangs, shakin’ hands with God, looking for water on Mars, chillin’ on the moon, riding the green train, ghostfaced, transcended, zakked out, billied, P.O.D. or P.O.D.’ed (Past-Over-Dose as rapped by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony), tweeded, seizure salad.

blasted, bifta’d burnt, burnt out (fatigued), buggin’ out (paranoid), munchies or munchin’ out (hunger), cottonmouth or pasties (dry-mouth), green out/green fever (get sick), red eye-jedi,whitey or “throwing a whitey” or white-sheet or a Casper (state of fear/paranoia(prang) and/or nausea/vomiting where your face actually goes pale), toasted, zonked, wheezin’, sloshed, zone out or zoning, get red eye (to have red eyes), zoned, blown, blazed, blowed, well caned (stoned), typical cannabis effects include: a calming or euphoric feeling, disorientation, giddiness, easily laughing, numb face, feelin like jelly, enhancement of colors, lights, sounds, especially music, and a compulsion to constantly check your rearview for the 5-0’s (police), mushy memory, fantasies, dunzo, altered reality, head trip, dream-like state, visionary, creativity, depersonalization, disassociation, inspiration, genius, drooling, twitching, brokeness, paranoia, zakked out,wasted man! Jacked up, (shot at and missed, shit at and hit),elevated,chinese eyed, zombified, gone.

Appendix:Cannabis slang A user suggests that this English appendix be cleaned up. Please see the discussion on Requests for cleanup (+) or the talk page for more information and remove